J. Worth Kilcrease

Woman and Children Mourning at a Gravestone

Inspirational Quotes

Our walls of division do no rise all the way to heaven.

Metropolitan Philaret of Moscow
Losses for Minors PDF Print E-mail
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CHILDREN

During the discussion about the factors that help influence what grief responses a person experiences after the death of a loved one, I asked the question: What are the personality and developmental characteristics of the bereaved?  An important determinant of how someone reacts to a death is the developmental age of the bereaved.  Erroneously, many adults look at children as young adults and expect them to react like adults.  The problem is that they are not small adults.  They don’t have the language skills, personal insight, cognitive abilities, understanding of emotions, etc. that adults have.  Since they don’t have the same capabilities as adults, they also don’t have the same responses/concerns that adults have.  In my blog Children and Grief: Issues I describe three issues that arise for children:

  • Did I cause the death?
  • Will the same thing happen to me?
  • Who will take care of me now?

In the two blogs Children and Grief: Needs Part 1 and Children and Grief: Needs Part 2, I describe ten needs that mourning children have and how adults can help:

  • The Need for Adequate Information
  • The Need to Address Fears and Anxieties
  • The Need for Reassurance They Are Not to Blame
  • The Need for Careful Listening
  • The Need for Validation of Feelings
  • The Need for Help with Overwhelming Feelings
  • The Need for Involvement and Inclusion
  • The Need for Continued Routine Activities
  • The Need for Modeled Grief Behaviors
  • The Need to Have Opportunities to Remember the Deceased

In spite of all that parents do, there still may be times when professional help for the child is required. My blog Children and Grief: Warning Signs describes ten warning signs adults should look out for.

ADOLESCENTS
       
While adolescents are no longer children, they are still not quite adults.  However, they are so much closer to adulthood that they can benefit from being treated similarly.  As I explain in my blog Adolescents and Bereavement, adults can help adolescents with the following:

  • Be open to discussing whatever the bereaved adolescent wants to explore.
  • Actively listen while paying special attention to the feelings that underlie what he/she is saying.
  • Accept the adolescent’s feelings as real, important, and normal.
  • Be supportive by making responses that reflect acceptance and understanding of what the adolescent is trying to say.
  • Resist the temptation to solve the adolescent’s problems, but help the adolescent find his/her own solutions.
  • Provide frequent opportunities for talking and enjoying the company of the adolescent.

HELP FOR PARENTS

In order to help parents know how to help their children, I have written an article that describes what parents can do - Parenting in Difficult Times.
 

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